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bpatonetz

Candace,
I like the way you used a Dr.Seuss story in your introduction to capture the reader’s attention. Your thesis is also well-written making it clear what your blog is going to be about. It is one of the best introductions that I’ve read so far. :)
I think you spend too much time summarizing the stories instead of getting to the point about European influence. Your summaries show good examples in some cases, but I think you spent a little too much time on them. It takes away from the focus of your paper.
Try to tie your body paragraphs back to your thesis more. I think it will make it easier to see your point if you state how your examples relate to the thesis.

bpatonetz

Sorry to leave you two separate comments, I forgot to post the last part.(I'm not very good at computers and can't figure out how to edit)!

Your blog seems to end without much of a conclusion. I think your post could use a concluding sentence to wrap up all your good ideas.

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